Air travel is safe and fun
Before buckling up for takeoff, makee sure to check under your seat for terrorists.
Only a small minority of passenger flights result in a hideous "crash landing."
Just follow this simple diagram if you and the others are to have any hope of survival.
Life vests in first class are equipped with a tin of Pringles and a wedge of smoked brie.
Children who refuse to "shut the hell up" should be smacked sharply on the head.
If a terrorist should brandish a box-cutter, leap out the nearest emergency door.
Passengers are encouraged to yell "Wheeee!" while sliding to safety.
Once the shark tears off your legs, the seat cushion keeps your bloody torso afloat.
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