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« Captain America R.I.P | Page One | Zombie industry booming despite Zombie scandal »

This Day in Revisionist History -- May 13


AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) -- A bumbling underling causes you to be incarcerated. However, everything should be fine if you refuse to let naysayers limit your superficiality. Remember, you'll always have yourself. Stay hot.

On this day in 1607, English colonists landed near Virginia's Jame River led by a man claiming his name was John Smith. Yeah, sure pal.

On this day in 1846, the United States declared war on Mexico in a dispute over whether people crossing the border needed any "stinking badges."

On this day in 1888, Brazil abolished slavery, prompting celebrations all along Harriet Tubman's Amazon Railroad.

On this day in 1888, DeWolf Hopper first recited "Casey at the Bat," prompting immediate allegations that the slugger was made "mighty" by steroids.

On this day in 1917, three peasant children reported seeing the Virgin Mary near Fatima, Portugal. However, she disappeared by the time the paparazzi arrived.

On this day in 1958, Velcro registed its trademark, prompting the "Great Shoelace Industry Panic of '58."

Today's Birthdays:

Pope Innocent XIII (1655-1724): former pontiff, no relation to Pope Not Guilty and Pope Nolo Contendre.

Joe Louis (1914-1981): boxing great, knocked out Nazi pugilist Max Schmeling in 1938, leaving Hitler with a nasty welt.

Beatrice Arthur, 85: actress, her battles with Archie Bunker rank among the greatest heavyweight bouts of the 1970s.

Stevie Wonder, 57: singer, his "Ebony and Ivory" duet with Paul McCartney sparked claims of racial discrimination from Asians, Latinos and Native Americans.

Dennis Rodman, 46: basketball player, led NBA eight straight seasons in offensive tattoos.

Posted on May 13, 2007 8:38 PM | Permalink

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