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This Day in Revisionist History -- May
13
Celebrity Horoscope
PARIS HILTON
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) -- A bumbling
underling causes you to be incarcerated. However,
everything should be fine if you refuse to let naysayers
limit your superficiality. Remember, you'll always
have yourself. Stay hot.
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On this day in 1607, English colonists landed near
Virginia's Jame River led by a man claiming his name was John
Smith. Yeah, sure pal.
On this day in 1846, the United States declared war on
Mexico in a dispute over whether people crossing the border
needed any "stinking badges."
On this day in 1888, Brazil abolished slavery, prompting
celebrations all along Harriet Tubman's Amazon Railroad.
On this day in 1888, DeWolf Hopper first recited "Casey
at the Bat," prompting immediate allegations that the
slugger was made "mighty" by steroids.
On this day in 1917, three peasant children reported seeing
the Virgin Mary near Fatima, Portugal. However, she
disappeared by the time the paparazzi arrived.
On this day in 1958, Velcro registed its trademark,
prompting the "Great Shoelace Industry Panic of '58."
Today's Birthdays:
Pope Innocent XIII (1655-1724): former pontiff, no
relation to Pope Not Guilty and Pope Nolo Contendre.
Joe Louis (1914-1981): boxing great, knocked out Nazi
pugilist Max Schmeling in 1938, leaving Hitler with a nasty
welt.
Beatrice Arthur, 85: actress, her battles with Archie
Bunker rank among the greatest heavyweight bouts of the 1970s.
Stevie Wonder, 57: singer, his "Ebony and Ivory"
duet with Paul McCartney sparked claims of racial discrimination
from Asians, Latinos and Native Americans.
Dennis Rodman, 46: basketball player, led NBA eight
straight seasons in offensive tattoos.
Posted on May 13, 2007 8:38 PM
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