"Neither a borrower
nor a day trader be."

-- William Shakespeare

 

"Speak softly and carry a big rocket-propelled grenade launcher."

-- Teddy Roosevelt

 

"There's 8,426,541 suckers born
every minute."
-- Phineas T. Barnum

"Float like a butterfly, sting like an
F/A-18E Hornet."
-- Muhammad Ali

"This land is your land, this land is a wholly owned subsidiary
of Disney land."
-- Woody Guthrie

"Let them eat
uranium yellow cake."
-- Marie Antoinette

 

"Like a bridge over
e. coli-rich, industrial waste-infested water."
-- Paul Simon

"Listen my children
and you shall hear ...
of the midnight debauchery of
Paul Revere."
-- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

"A fool sees not the same tax loopholes that a wise man sees."
-- William Blake

"Physician,
medicate thyself
with OxyContin."
-- St. Luke ch. 4, v. 23

 

"I have nothing to offer but digitally remastered Blood, Sweat and Tears."
-- Winston Churchill

"I think about sex 24-7 therefore I am."
-- Rene Descartes

 

"A crack house divided against itself cannot stand."

-- Abraham Lincoln

"Is that a Blackberry in your pocket
or are you just happy to see me?"

-- Mae West

"Hope I die before I get erectile dysfunction."

-- Pete Townshend, The Who

"We stand today on the edge of a nude frontier."

-- John F. Kennedy

"When angry, swear. When very angry,
detonate a crude homemade 'dirty bomb'."

-- Mark Twain

"Another fine insider trading scandal
you've gotten me into."

-- Stanley Laurel

"Winning isn't everything, but if we lose
I am going to rip your friggin' throats out."

-- Vince Lombardi

"Tis better to have loved and lost
on 'The Bachelor' than to have never loved
a complete stranger on a reality show at all."

-- Alfred, Lord Tennyson

"Those whom God hath joined together,
let no midlife crisis put asunder."

-- Solemnization of Matrimony

"For every action there is an equal and opposite
media over-reaction."

-- Isaac Newton

"Conscience: the inner voice that warns
the CEO the SEC might be looking."

-- H.L. Mencken

"He who can does.
He who cannot, falsifies his resume."

-- George Bernard Shaw

"I think, therefore I am what I am."

-- Popeye

"Never give a retiree whose pension is stolen by a heartless corporate bureaucracy an even break."

-- W.C. Fields

"I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness, starving hysterical coed naked reality TV."

-- Allen Ginsberg

"All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman, a pretty girl, a $140 million budget and a cut of the gross."

-- Charlie Chaplin

"I have not yet begun to open my can of whoop-ass."

-- John Paul Jones

"www.go_west_young_man.com."

-- Horace Greeley

"Freedom's just another word for nothin' left
to repossess."

-- Kris Kristofferson

"When the going gets tough, the tough use their connections to buy the 1960 West Virginia primary."

-- Joseph P. Kennedy

"Give us your tired, your poor, your huddled masses
of undocumented aliens yearning to breathe free."

-- Emma Lazarus

"I shot an arrow in the air, it fell to earth ...
and is now Exhibit A in a negligent homicide."

-- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow