Groundhog predicts groundhog-led government takeover
Groundhog predicts groundhog-led government
coup
By
John Breneman
Punxsutawney Phil, the Pennsylvania groundhog credited with
being able to forecast the coming of spring, popped out of
his burrow yesterday and predicted six more weeks of government
gridlock.
The groundhog also predicted the emergence of a groundhog-led
political party, followed by six decades of peace and prosperity
under iron-fisted groundhog rule.
The fuzzy, buck-toothed prophet then bit one of its top-hatted
handlers and scampered back into its heavily fortified underground
bunker -- a move said to portend six more weeks of economic
gloom.
Additional predictions by Punxsutawney Phil include:
-- A shocking 35-31 Groundhog victory in Super Bowl XLIV.
-- Six more years of the little guy getting screwed by Washington
and Wall Street fat cats.
By
John Breneman