Jesus Christ, box-office superstar,
battles Hollywood heavyweight in ...

Lethal Whippin'

By John Breneman
Humor Gazette

Resurrected by Mel Gibson as a Hollywood heavyweight, Jesus is now being eyed for the title role in dozens of new projects, including "There's Something About Mary Magdalene," "Guess Who's Coming to the Last Supper" and the controversial "Last Tango in Nazareth."

Tom Hanks reportedly is set to star in "Jesus Gump," but a source close to the universally beloved Oscar winner said he is also reading scripts for "Sleepless in Jerusalem" and "You've Got Nail."

Many of Hollywood's biggest stars covet a piece of the action.

Richard Gere will play a militaristic Jesus in "A Savior and a Gentleman" and Woody Allen a neurotic, nebbishy son of God in "Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Crucifixion But Were Afraid to Ask."

Gibson's "The Passion of the Christ" has stirred passionate criticism that his portrayal of blood-thirsty Jews is anti-Semitic. But the Aussie filmmaker dismisses the charges, saying the same thing happened with "Schindler's Grocery List," "Who Framed Roger Rabbi?" and Dr. Seuss's "The Cat in the Yarmulke."

Other religious leaders have made favorable comments.

Pope John Paul II gave the film two thumbs up, saying, "It is as it was … only with bitchin' special effects."

There is now some question as to whether the Pope actually made the remark or was just signaling for another jumbo popcorn and some Milk Duds, but his publicist said John Paul II is excited about making his big-screen debut opposite Burt Reynolds in the free-wheeling buddy film "Smokey and the Pontiff."

Also according to the Tinsel Town grapevine, Oliver Stone will direct the story of a long-suffering Vietnam vet in "Born on the 25th of December" and Sean Penn is on board as a cool surfer Jesus in "Fast Times at Bethlehem High."

Other big names attached to Jesus projects include Madonna in "Desperately Seeking Salvation," Quentin Tarantino in the ultra-violent "Reservoir Gods" and Gene Wilder in the madcap comedy "Start the Resurrection Without Me."

The busy son of God will also battle B-movie forces of evil in "Jesus vs. Godzilla" and heal America's ailing democracy in the Capra-esque "Mr. Christ Goes to Washington."
Meanwhile the controversy surrounding Gibson's vision of Jesus Christ, box-office superstar, promises to help make the film a mega-hit, but Tinsel Town insiders say it would be an altogether different story had he not scrapped the movie's original title, "Lethal Whippin'."