Fiction: Accomplished

President George W. Bush is back!

And he's already causing severe cranial discomfort among many Americans. Also, rectal itching, post-traumatic Bush Derangement Syndrome and Iraq-tile dysfunction.

But the Decider had to take a break from clearing brush to clear some bookshelves. He's got a revisionist "Decision Points" memoir to sell -- a lot of great info about how he ruined, I mean didn't ruin, the country.

Lots of wacky White House hijinks too, like that March 2004 comedy routine where he showed pictures of himself looking under a desk and saying, "Those weapons of mass destruction must be somewhere."

The book is moving briskly -- and the first quarter-million buyers get a free Bush "Mission Accomplished" action figure with Taliban Kung Fu grip.

Bush has also already sold 50,000 e-books. And "Decision Points" will also available in limited-edition Pez dispenser form.

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