Gay newlyweds Saddam Hussein and Osama bin Laden
have adopted a shaved-ape baby, according to the tabloid
Weekly World News.
Saddam and Osama
adopted shaved-ape baby
The 9/11 commission has found no evidence of a significant
link between Iraq and al Qaeda. But spanning the globe in
our round-the-clock mission to bring you only the fakest fake
news, the Humor Gazette reports this shocking
revelation from the Weekly World News -- the New York
Times of supermarket tabloids.
"Just one month after their gay marriage rocked the
world, ecstatic newlyweds Osama bin Laden and Saddm Hussein
have adopted a shaved-ape baby to make their family complete."
Nine-month-old "Robert," a clean-cut chimp clad
in overalls, is seen in a family portrait being kissed on
the head by a doting Saddam. Animal rights activists are outraged
over the adoption, concerned that his upbringing at the hands
of fugitive terror kingpins will "leave young and impressionable
Robert psychologically scarred for life."
In an exclusive interview with the Humor
Gazette, pop singer Michael Jackson spoke out against
the bizarre adoption while assuring the public that all three
of his shaved-ape babies are safe at home in their cribs.
Meanwhile, a spokesman for Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore said
the Osama-Saddam incident has no connection with their own
decision to adopt a shaved-ape infant.
Also revealed in the Nov. 4, 2003, edition of the World Weekly
News: Conclusive DNA proof that God exists. For centuries
members of the clergy have reported seeing God appear before
them, claims that understandably have been met with skepticism.
Well this time the Big Guy reportedly left some evidence at
the scene, a tuft of his beard.
"The ermine-white hair, which apparently was yanked
from the Lord's face as he leaned over to sniff a flower,
matches DNA taken from Christ's burial cloth -- the sacred
shroud of Turin," according to the World Weekly News.
International forensics experts are reportedly examining
the DNA to see if it can be used to tie the Lord to several
trillion counts sloth, lust and greed allegedly perpetrated
by His human creations.
The World Weekly News article describes God as about six
feet tall, caucasian and "neither skinny nor fat."
The Lord could not be reached for comment on Osama and Saddam's
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