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THIS DAY in (REVISIONIST) HISTORY -- Aug. 19
Massachusetts struck a blow for the Colonies' "War
on Witchcraft'' on this day in 1692, executing five people
found guilty of dabbling in the dark arts.
 Evidence
included eye of newt, a broom and the testimony of
several mischievous young girls. Capital-punishment fans hailed
the hangings and scoffed at concerns that an innocent person
might be put to death for sorcery.
However, a recent review of the case using a modern investigative
technique called "common sense" revealed the so-called
"Salem 5" probably were not guilty of witchcraft.
On this day in 1812, the U.S.S. Constitution roughed
up the British frigate Guerriere off Nova Scotia, earning
the nickname "Old Ironsides." It is now a
popular tourist vessel docked at the Charlestown Navy Yard,
where these days it receives better care than the piece of
paper it was named after.
Afghanistan gained its independence from Great Britian
on this day in 1919, soon realizing its destiny as a poverty-wracked,
opium-producing haven for terrorists.
On this day in 1929, the radio comedy "Amos and Andy"
made its national debut, entertaining millions with racially
offensive stereotypes.
The first Soap Box Derby was held in Ohio on this
day in 1934. The Budweiser car emerged victorious,
hitting the finish line seconds before tiny vehicles plastered
with Viagra and Marlboro logos.
Finally, child monarch Mary Queen of Scots, 18, returned
from a rehab stint in France on this day in 1561. Her
publicist said the 16th century hellcat crashed her
Cabriolet while trying to elude the paparazzi.
On today's birthday blotter:
 Bill
Clinton turns 61. Sources close to the former president's
belly say he plans to celebrate with a big cake and some ice
cream and Twinkies and potato chips and Quarter-Pounders and
doughnuts and Kentucky Fried Chicken and ...
Advisers are urging actor Fred Thompson (star of "Law
& Order: Political Opportunists Unit") to mark his
65th birthday with a vigorous game of pin the tail on the
Romney.
Birthday gal Tipper Gore, 59, has invited friends
over to burn some Marilyn Manson CDs and play the environmentally
correct parlor game, Inconvenient Truth or Dare.
Gone but not forgotten:
Born tiny on this day in 1931, legendary jockey Willie
Shoemaker died in 2003 but revealed in his memoir that
he was always happiest with a half-ton beast between his legs.
Finally, a V-fingered Vulcan salute to "Star Trek"
creator Gene Roddenberry (1921-1991), who in 1997 joined
fellow dead space cadet Timothy Leary on a funeral rocket
to "boldly go where no tube of cremated ashes has gone
before."
John Breneman's "This Day in (Revisionist) History"
appears in the Boston Sunday Herald.
Posted by John Breneman on August 19, 2007 8:36 AM
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