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« Tweet nothings | Page One | Holiday health alert: Stay away from myrrh »

War on Christmas causes self-inflicted wounds


Am under heavy fire from Intercontinental Ballistic Mistletoe. STOP

Fear the enemy has obtained Weapons of Midnight Mass Destruction. STOP

*  *  *

Ah, the War on Christmas rages once more. 'Tis the season.

Flairs up around this time each winter -- a right-wing holiday tradition that seems to bring more unintentional cheer with each passing year.

I know it sounds naughty, but Fox News knows there's money to be made pitting gullible God-fearing Christians against the hell-bound "Happy Holidays" crowd - exposing the persecution of gingerbread men and the deforestation of America's Christmas trees.

Gretchen Carlson of "Fox and Friends" got the memo from the Man Upstairs (no, not Him -- Ailes). She trumpeted this "crazy" (and sadly, false) story about a Florida school banning red and green, and rolled some silly tape. Soon after, Stephen Colbert lit her up like a holiday tree -- his mocking well-hung by the chimney with care. (Blitzkreig on Grinchitude)

The Gretch also grilled some Tulsa antichrist for sodomizing Christmas down in Oklahoma. In this "Daily Show" clip, her prosecutorial zeal is comically surreal -- she's on this guy like green on pine.

Christmas is supposed to be all Christian and non-materialistic -- a message Fox News Radio stooge John Gibson embraced by cashing in with a "War on Christmas" book. (The subtitle -- "How the Liberal Plot to Ban the Sacred Christian Holiday is Worse Than You Thought" - suggests the man is not hauling a full sack of presents.)

But this year's Sergeant Shultz and Colonel Klink in the War on Christmas have to be GOP Sens. Jon Kyl and Jim DeMint. Kyl accused Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid of "disrespecting one of the two holiest of holidays for Christians." DeMint chimed in with more phony piety -- calling Democratic efforts to do the people's business in the two weeks around Christmas "sacrilegious."

The two were slapped around by many, including Brig. Gen. John Adams, who pointed out: "We have one-hundred-and-fifty-thousand U.S. warriors doing their job over Christmas and the New Year, the U.S. Senate should do its job." "Morning Joe" Scarborough nailed 'em too -- calling their criticisms of the Senate leader "un-Christlike."

Jiminy Christmas -- how stupid do these disingenuous GOP-holes think the American people are? I suppose their excuse is they're just playing to their constituents in the Jingle Belt. Poor saps. All they were doing was angling for a new way to screw Obama -- surely they didn't mean to deploy Jesus as a political weapon.

Must be vigilant for crude, homemade tannen-bombs. STOP

*  *  *

Santa wounded in War on Christmas

Brett Favre paralyzed, comatose -- ready to play!

Posted on December 17, 2010 2:29 AM | Permalink

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