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Ono! ... Yoko to blame for McCartney split
 By John Breneman
Yoko Ono, widow of John Lennon and perhaps the world's most
reviled scapegoat, is responsible for the breakup of Paul
McCartney's marriage to Heather Mills, the Humor Gazette has
learned.
Sources say Mills "really dug" McCartney, but eventually
fell under the spell of Ono's shrill and relentless portrayal
of Paul as a creative midget next to the God-like genius of
John. Musical analysts say Ono's new single "(I Ain't
Sayin' She a) Peg-Legged Gold Digger" -- a three-minute
shriek accompanied by a chorus of baby harp seals in various
stages of distress -- could be a subtle dig at Mrs. McCartney.
The latest polls reveal that Ono is also receiving a hefty
share of the blame for the trouble in Iraq, the immigration
problem and rising gas prices. The growing anti-Ono ire is
good news for the Bush administration, which announced it
has evidence linking the notorious band-wrecker to the attacks
of Sept. 11, 2001.
Ono's approval is nearing its all-time low of 3 percent in
when the Beatles broke up in 1970, thanks to her. She recently
provoked ire in the Muslim world by saying she is "bigger
than Allah."
 The
eccentric widow could not be reached for comment because she
is channeling all her karmic energy into her latest project
-- a one-woman plastic Ono neo-coed naked Zen minimalist Haiku
mosh pit.
Related story:
Pitt
split: world mourns Brad-Jen apocalypse -- Jan.
12, 2005
Posted by John Breneman on May 19, 2006 9:13 AM
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