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 By John Breneman
Michael Jackson today joined the hunt for Jimmy Hoffa, saying
he will pay up to $2 million for the bones of the legendary
union boss, who went missing in 1975. A spokesperson for the Elephant
Man confirmed that Jacko is wacko for Hoffa.
Jackson reportedly showed up at an FBI search site in suburban
Detroit with a Gucci man-purse full of cash and a team of
monkeys equipped with ground-penetrating radar. After a brief
dance atop his custom stretch limo/backhoe, Jackson explained
that his jones for Jimmy's bones dates back to the 2002 when
he and Macaulay Culkin co-wrote a Hoffa screenplay while hopped
up on Jesus juice. Slated to star Ashton Kutcher as a vacuous
douchebag who wants to locate the missing labor leader to
impress a chick he's trying to nail, the film's working title
is "Dude, Where's Hoffa?"
The Humor Gazette has learned that some of Hollywood's biggest
names are hopping on the Hoffa bandwagon, hoping to cash in
on renewed public interest in the Teamsters president's rotting
corpse. Harrison Ford is developing a script for "Indiana
Jones: Quest for Hoffa's Bones" and sources say Madonna
is pitching a pinball machine love scene with the elusive
labor boss in "Desperately Seeking Hoffa."
Meanwhile, leading Hoffa-ologists say it's unlikely his remains
will be found at the Michigan horse farm now swarming with
G-Men because he is actually alive and well in Argentina,
where he lives on a heavily fortified llama ranch with Elvis
Presley and Hitler's love child.
 Other
theorists say Hoffa survived a 1975 attempt to shove him into
the trunk of a late-model sedan and bury him in the end zone
of the Giants Stadium, only to be "whacked" by a
hitman connected to the Soprano crime family.
Related story:
Cheney
implicated in Soprano shooting -- March 13, 2006
Posted on May 22, 2006 1:19 PM
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