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« Cheney slays 12 in 21-gun salute | Page One | Satan fails to destroy Earth »

Iran agrees to nuclear talks, but not nuke-u-lar

By John Breneman

Sources say President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is ready to accept President Bush's offer to open talks with Iran if it stops monkeying with uranium, on one condition -- Bush must agree to correctly pronounce the word "nuclear."

"I'm sick of hearing that chump talk about Iran's 'nuke-u-lar ambitions,'" said Ahmadinejad. "We want NUCLEAR weapons -- I mean energy -- not nuke-u-lar."

Washington insiders say Iran's offer is insincere because Ahmadinejad knows Bush will never abandon his beloved alternative pronunciation of the explosively symbolic n-word.

Nevertheless Ahmadinejad said he has much in common with the man he has come to call "The Decider," pointing out that they're both kinda slow and despised throughout most of the world. Also, the Iranian leader said, he just had to put a bunch of people to death for singing the Iranian anthem in English.

In a related development, China said it supports the U.S. move to engage Iran in "nuke-ree-er" negotiations.

Related stories:
Bush's new Iranian pen pal -- May 12, 2006

Bill would ban singing anthem in Pig Latin -- May 3, 2006

Iran gets bird flu bomb -- April 24, 2006

Posted on June 5, 2006 7:52 PM | Permalink

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