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North Korea flunks missile test

By Chris Elliott

North Korea test-fired seven missiles on July 4-5, one of them a long-range ICBM, in clear defiance of the world community. The missiles fell harmlessly into the Sea of Japan, where they injured a sperm whale and wiped out a school of unwitting prawns.

President Kim Jong Il proclaimed the zero-for-seven performance a "grand triumph." However, his minister of missile research could not be reached for comment after being "honored" in front of a firing squad.

South Korean president Roh Moo Hyun said the missiles were likely constructed from parts stolen from a Hyundai factory scrap yard in Seoul, and remarked that Scott Peterson had a better chance of getting to Hawaii this winter than a North Korean missile.

President Bush emphasized diplomacy, saying North Korea "couldn't hit the broad side of a New York skyscraper" and advising Kim Jong Il that if he had more missiles to "bring 'em on."

Geopolitical analysts who have studied Kim Jong Il speculate the deranged Yoko Ono look-alike is aiming to solidify his legacy as the ugliest, dorkiest scourge in the history of the world.

There have been no signs of preparations for further weapons tests in North Korea, but one of the fallen missiles was returned to Kim Jong Il. It was reportedly covered with red ink and had a circled F minus at the top along with the comment, "You can do better."

Related story:
Angelina Jolie romantically linked to Kim Jong Il -- June 13, 2005

Also by Elliott:
Mispronouncing a lie doesn't make it true -- Aug. 16, 2004

Spend hours, even months,
expanding your mind at the Chris Elliott Library.


Posted on July 10, 2006 10:17 AM | Permalink

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