Gazette exclusives
  • Zombie industry booming despite Zombie scandal
  • Revisionist History -- May 13
  • Captain America R.I.P
  • Anna Nicole baby to enter rehab
  • Tang to blame in astronaut love triangle

  • Gazette library
  • June 2007
  • May 2007
  • March 2007
  • February 2007
  • January 2007
  • December 2006
  • November 2006
  • October 2006
  • September 2006
  • August 2006
  • July 2006
  • June 2006
  • May 2006
  • More from the Gazette library

    Subscribe to this blog's feed
    [What is this?]

    Handy sites
    (Main Links section at bottom)
    About.com (Political Humor)
    Alexa
    Alternet
    Borowitz Report
    BuzzFlash
    BuzzMachine
    Fark
    Dictionary.com
    Google
    New York Times
    Romenesko/Poynter
    Satire Awards
    Word.com

    « Where's Whitey? | Page One | Dr. Leif Mann on foliage »

    Ex-Chihuahua sues Paris Hilton

    By John Breneman

    A disgruntled Chihuahua once owned by Paris Hilton is suing the long-legged, pinheaded heiress for $2.5 million, alleging lurid tales of canine porn and doggie-style debauchery.

    Attorneys for the dog, identified in court documents as "Tinkerbell 7," claim Hilton had made "certain representations" about taking care of the diminutive handbag-dwelling pooch in "the lifestyle to which it has become accustomed."

    A spokesman for Hilton claimed the dog was let go after it breeched an unwritten agreement by peeing on a $500,000 jewel-encrusted minidress while sitting in Hilton's lap at Daddy Bling's in Monaco. But the dog's legal team says several eyewitnesses will testify that "Paris had already peed on the same dress at least twice that night."

    The lawsuit also hints at domestic abuse. "Paris used to beat me," claims the former pet, citing one incident in which it suffered a fractured front leg when Hilton "bitch slapped" it for walking in unannounced while she was entertaining an identified pile of men.

    Tinkerbell 7, who once dreamed of hauling his mistress to glory in the MTV Celebrity Iditarod, has been reduced to panhandling (yapping "Where's the beef" for spare change on Rodeo Drive) and doing guest spots on shows like VH1's "100 Nastiest Celebrity Poop-Related Incidents."

    Related stories:
    Al-Qaeda snatches Paris Hilton
    -- June 12, 2006

    Rapper 50 Cent introduces 50 Scent
    -- Sept. 23, 2005

    Ono! ... Yoko to blame for McCartney split
    -- May 19, 2006

    Anna Nicole's Supreme Court sex romp
    -- March 1, 2006

    Posted by John Breneman on September 6, 2006 10:33 AM | Permalink


    About

    This page contains a single entry from the blog posted on September 6, 2006 10:33 AM.

    The previous post in this blog was Where's Whitey?.

    The next post in this blog is Dr. Leif Mann on foliage.

    Many more can be found on the main index page or by looking through the archives.


    About the Humor Gazette                    Contact the Humor Gazette: mail@humorgazette.com