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New
poll: 100% of bums want change
 By
John Breneman
A new poll reveals that a vast majority of the nation's bums
will vote for the presidential candidate who promises them
the most change. (WATCH
THE VIDEO)
"I keep hearing this election is about change,"
said Tuberculosis Einstein, a veteran Oklahoma panhandler
occasionally seen outside a 7-Eleven in Arkansas, Virginia,
Massachusetts, Florida, Delaware and North Dakota.
"I need change. Everybody I know needs change,"
added Gimme Two-Bits, a longtime collector of both vintage
and modern coins.
"I been looking for change every day -- for as long
as I can remember," said Dunno Alzheimer, who boasted
that he hadn't changed his clothes in 41 years.
"Them Democrats mentioned 'change' 103 times at a debate
in New Hampshire. That's a good sign," said Gangrene
Willie, an undecided vagabond who slept under a Clinton sign
last night but plans to back Huckabee in South Carolina, then
catch a westbound boxcar to vote Obama in Alabama.
 Polls
show many street-level tramps are concerned about health care.
But not Wheezy Marlboro or Bloodclots Washington. They just
want change.
And some bums say they are troubled by the slumping cardboard
housing market. Not Subprime Morty. His #1 issue is change.
Two-Nickels Roosevelt confided that he, too, is passionate
about change.
"I'm serious," he gasped. "Please give me
some goddamn change."
Pundits say the hobo demographic will be vital to the 2008
election -- widespread talk of change will draw record numbers
of bums to the polls, causing presidential candidates to pander
to the panhandlers.
Posted by John Breneman on January 10, 2008 2:08 PM
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