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China takes gold in Olympic propaganda
 By
John Breneman
Why shanghai a 7-year-old Olympic hopeful's chance to sing
in Beijing? For Chinese officials, yanking the real crooner
for a lip-synching cutie -- like filling the sky with made-for-TV
fireworks -- was all about hosting the best Summer Games ever,
by any means necessary.
"What's the big deal, silly vanilli?" asked Tony
Chin, a dashing ex-karaoke champion identified as the "organizer"
of the 2008 Summer Games. Chin was standing in for the actual
Olympic organizer, whose imperfect teeth and oversized facial
pores disqualify him from playing a more public role.
Asked about reports that the host country was combating lower-than-expected
attendance by filling half-empty stadiums with legions of
fake fans, Chin responded by saying, "The Olympics are
just super."
The controversy has caused critics to wonder aloud if China's
lip-synching mentality has crept into the competitive arena.
("Accepting the gold medal on behalf of the homely, goggle-eyed
swimming champion is this far more aesthetically pleasing
specimen of Chinese cultural and genetic superiority,"
joked one ZNBC commentator.)
The government's desire to stage manage every aspect the
Olympics is also causing security concerns. This, according
to disgruntled police officers who say they've been forced
to pull desk duty while their glamorous and lucrative Olympic
overtime shifts are covered by more attractive but less experienced
trainees.
At least the thick smog that threatened to cast a toxic pall
over Beijing has been brought under control, according to
Bubbles Wang, the perky "minister of air pollution,"
lip-synching at a press conference for the wheezing, soot-covered
actual minister of air pollution.
The Beijing air is also rife with rumors that the 2008 Olympic
medals are not actually gold, silver and bronze, but a cheap
alloy coated with lead paint.
Summing up the controversy, Tony Chin reiterated that the
China that is hosting the 2008 Summer Olympics is not the
scary, authoritarian, polluted-wracked, human rights-repressing
China, but instead the fancy, shiny China that is only brought
out to impress guests on special occasions.
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Posted on August 21, 2008 9:55 AM
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