Redneck book review:
"Going Vogue"


Palin exclusives

Subscribe to this blog's feed

Drill Sergeant loses it
(YouTube sensation!)

Handy sites
(Main Links section at bottom)
About.com (Political Humor)
Alexa
Alternet
Bartcop
Borowitz Report
BuzzFlash
BuzzMachine
Fark
Dictionary.com
Google
New York Times
Romenesko/Poynter
Satire Awards
Word.com

« February 2009 | Main | July 2009 »

June 30, 2009

Michael Jackson humor/tribute video

Jackson joins Peter Pantheon
of 'Off the Wall' entertainers

Good evening and welcome to Day 6 of our round-the-clock salute to legendary pop star Michael Jackson.

I'm Humor Gazette news anchorman Reid Page … and this is the 13 O'Clock News. (CLICK to see VIDEO)

Since his death on Thursday at age 50, the media's nonstop,
over-the-top King of Pop coverage has been absolutely sensational.

But critics claim it is overshadowing such vital news stories as the unrest in Iran, which has taken a violent turn as pro-Jackson demonstrators clash with repressive anti-Jacko extremists.

Certain tabloids have aired rank speculation about whether "Wacko Jacko OD'd on cracko," but we here at 13 O'Clock News have taken a more respectful tone in our coverage of the only American entertainer ever to walk on the moon.

Idolized around the globe -- he is revered as Michael Jacko-san in Japan and feared as El Jacko in parts of Venezuela -- few could argue that his legacy places him in the Peter Pantheon of beloved, yet deeply troubled artists.

And while we would be remiss not to acknowledge his unparalleled, self-provoked contributions to the world of tasteless humor, let the record show that Mr. Jackson -- honored at the White House in 1984 by President Ronald Reagan for his work with the Elephant Man -- is credited with pioneering breakthroughs in the fields of plastic surgery, baby dangling and zombie choreography.

His 1970 hit "ABC" is credited with teaching millions of young children to learn the first three letters of the alphabet.

The notoriously reclusive Mr. Jackson died just as he was set to launch a London comeback tour with 50 sold-out shows.

Details were scarce, but CNN -- in a live broadcast from its Neverland bureau -- reported that in addition to several numbers featuring giraffes and albino backup dancers, Mr. Jackson planned to take the stage with Jesse Jackson, former "Charlie's Angel" Kate Jackson and singer Jackson Browne in a Jackson-studded salute to Jacksonian democracy … with a portion of the proceeds benefiting the Shoeless Joe Jackson Foundation.

Mr. Jackson endured a difficult and traumatic perpetual childhood -- from vicious beatings at the hands of his father and years of ridicule from media "haters," to being set on fire by Pepsi in 1984.

His valiant attempts to live a so-called normal life included marrying the daughter of Elvis Presley and palling around with chimpanzees, parasitic enablers and Liza Minelli.

He is survived by three children -- Gloved One Jr., Prince Albert-In-A-Can and Electric Blanket Jackson.

Creepy eccentricities aside, this singular pop singer-slash-icon will be remembered as a sensitive and compassionate being who donated millions to charity, and as an outspoken advocate for peace and racial harmony.

On a personal note: Ever since this reporter, as a child himself, saw a young Michael Jackson perform on TV, he has appreciated -- and felt first-hand -- this gifted, tragically flawed artist's electrifying ability to use music to touch the human soul.

With enduring respect for Michael Joseph Jackson, I'm 13 O'Clock News anchorman Reid Page.

Posted by John Breneman at 10:29 AM |

June 15, 2009

Humor Gazette Radio broadcasts worldwide

Humor Gazette Radio broadcasts worldwide

This just in -- Humor Gazette 13 O'Clock News anchorman Reid Page is now broadcasting live at cyberspace communications giant BlogTalkRadio.

Click here to visit the BlogTalkRadio Humor Gazette 13 O'Clock News center.

Posted by John Breneman at 5:23 PM |

June 8, 2009

Alaska governor palin-izes Newt Gingrich

Alaska governor palin-izes Newt Gingrich

By John Breneman

Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin definitely did NOT plagiarize Newt Gingrich during a recent speech about Ronald Reagan. She Palin-ized him.

Though Palin failed to mention that chunks of her 17-minute speech were lifted from a 2005 article co-written by Gingrich, she did acknowledge that, "Recently, Newt Gingrich, he had written a good article about Reagan..."

While introducing Reagan's son Michael at a GOP event in Alaska last Wednesday, Palin said Reagan taught us that, "courage and persistence are keys to historic achievement." In contrast, Gingrich credited Reagan with teaching that, "Courage and persistence are the keys to historic achievement."

Palin also mentioned the Gingrich article a second time during her address -- and though several passages appear to be lifted directly from Gingrich's writing, supporters say Palin sufficiently mangled the former House speaker's words and threw in enough "you betchas" to claim the ideas as her own.

After all, Palin was a college journalism major who was far too smart to fall for Katie Couric's trick "gotcha" questions about what she reads to stay so well-informed.

Critics who are fond of claiming that President Obama is illiterate without a teleprompter pointed out that Palin was not reading from ANY electronic devices whatsoever when she said of Reagan:

"Reagan knew that real change and real change requiring shaking things up and maybe takin' off the entrenched interest thwarting the will of the people with their ignoring of our concerns about future peril caused by selfish short-sighted advocacy for growing government and digging more debt, and taking away individual and state's rights and hampering opportunity to responsibly develop our resources, and coddling those who would seek to harm America and her allies."

A little Reagan trickles down into the speeches of all Republican politicians, but Palin's little Dutch treat showed she'll do whatever it takes to be the GOP's new Cute Rockne.

In other efforts to appear Reaganesque, Palin announced she had just signed legislation that outlaws Russia forever and ordered the Alaska National Guard to begin bombing in five minutes.

She also called on the repressive communist government of China to "tear down that wall."

VIDEO of Palin's Gingrich/Reagan speech

Related story: Palin comparison: she's no Dan Quayle -- Oct. 3, 2008

Humor Gazette video: Fox Puppet News: Sarah Palin & GOP convention -- Sept. 3, 2008

Posted by John Breneman at 10:40 PM |

June 4, 2009

Cheney shoots political enemy in the face

Cheney shoots political enemy in the face

By John Breneman

Former Vice President Dick Cheney has shot former counterterrorism chief Richard Clarke in the face, metaphorically.

The attack came Monday as Cheney continued his daring, 50-state propaganda spree at the National Press Club in Washington, D.C.

Asked about a recent Clarke op-ed piece critical of the administration, Cheney said, "You know, Dick Clarke. Dick Clarke, who was the head of the counterrorism program in the run-up to 9/11. He obviously missed it."

Pow.

Cheney's muzzle-load of bull-shot richocheted straight into the face of every American, especially those who know that Richard Clarke spent the months leading up to 9/11 carpet-bombing the White House with messages warning of an al-Qaeda attack, begging unresponsive Bush officials to take heed.

Cheney blasted away at Clarke despite a smoking-gun paper trail of correspondence from the counterterrorism boss, including:

"Bin Ladin Public Profile May Presage Attack" (May 3, 2001)
"Bin Ladin's Networks' Plans Advancing" (May 26)
"Bin Ladin Attacks May Be Imminent" (June 23)
"Bin Ladin and Associates Making Near-Term Threats" (June 25)
"Bin Ladin Planning High-Profile Attacks" (June 30)
"Planning for Bin Ladin Attacks Continues, Despite Delays" (July 2)

And finally, unable to interest the White House in this urgent, imminent peril, Clarke emailed Condoleezza Rice on Sept. 4, 2001, asking, "Are we serious about dealing with the al-Qaeda threat?"

When reminded by the moderator of Clarke's well-documented warnings, Cheney -- after a brief pause during which he decided not to shoot the moderator in the face -- pretended he didn't remember and then fired off a punch line, saying, "That's not my recollection, but I haven't read his book."

Wow.

Cheney's magical revisionist history tour -- a series of guerrilla TV appearances intended to cement his legacy as America's spine-chilling, unrepentant torturer-in-chief -- is apparently having an impact.

As the truth continues to ooze out about the Cheney gang's dark White House, polls show that 82% of Americans admit being scared that Cheney might come to their house late at night and strangle them in their sleep.

Related story: Cheney slays 12 in Memorial Day 21-gun salute -- May 29, 2006

Posted by John Breneman at 8:05 AM |

June 2, 2009

Rush, Newt back Sotomayor for Supreme Court job

Rush, Newt back Sotomayor for Supreme Court job

By John Breneman

Conservative pundits Rush Limbaugh and Newt Gingrich announced today they strongly support elevating federal appeals court Judge Sonia Sotomayor to the Supreme Court … as its cleaning lady.

Sotomayor has been branded a racist by both men -- Gingrich, the former Tweeter of the House, and Limbaugh one of the nation's leading producers of racist rhetoric.

The judge stands to become the first Hispanic justice to serve on the High Court, but because she was nominated by President Obama, some on the far right believe it is their duty to trash Sotomayor by any means necessary -- part of their mission to purge the Republican Party of everyone except rich conservative honkies.

Former Colorado congressman Tom Tancredo, whose anti-immigrant 2008 presidential run was hailed by those who share his Archie Bunker mentality, said Sotomayor was a member of the "Latino KKK" and offered to burn her house down in the middle of the night.

Obama's selection of Sotomayor has also disappointed some on the left who hoped he would be more aggressive about adding diversity to the court by picking the nation's first openly gay Haitian-Japanese transvestite albino Orthodox Pagan jurist.

Also troubling to some analysts, Sotomayor's judicial record reveals no indication how she would rule when the inevitable "John & Kate Plus Eight" divorce case reaches the high court.

Other critics say Sotomayor's record on the bench raises concerns that she might be a strict neo-originalistic pro-Darwinian reconstructionist.

However, supporters say she is supremely well-qualified. Her favorite musical group is The Supremes and she subsists primarily on Pizza Hut Super Supreme pizza, though there is little or no paper trail on what toppings she prefers. She also has a cat named Oliver Wendell Holmes and a schnauzer named Brown vs. the Board of Education.

Her idol is said to be the distinguished former Chief Justice Joseph Albert Wapner and she once did pro bono work for Sonny Bono.

Senate Republicans are expected to employ a variety of tactics -- intense questioning, badgering, tickling, sodium pentathol and waterboarding -- to grill her about her stance on Roe v. Wade, Donkey v. Elephant, Paper v. Plastic and the People vs. Pea-Brained Satirists.

Related story: Judge Roberts faces abortion litmus test -- July 29, 2005

Posted by John Breneman at 12:24 PM |



About The Daily Palin               thedailypalin@gmail.com