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« Palin claims 2010 Miss Information crown! | Page One | Dear Sarah (advice column) »

The John Boehner Diet !!

In a world of red vs. blue -- only one man has the guts to go orange.

And now that he's about to become Speaker of the House, everybody's dying to know the secret to John Boehner's smoldering apricot complexion.

The Daily Palin has obtained exclusive details about this hard-drinking, hard-smoking, oft-sobbing SOB's unique nutritional regimen. This from a source close to the sous chef who prepares Boehner's carrots, yams and tangerine meringue pie.

Breakfast: 1 orange, 12-oz. glass Tang
Lunch: 2 oranges, 1 carrot
Dinner: Orange-roasted lame duck, yams,
Dessert: 4 oz. orange sherbert
(8-12 screwdrivers, optional)

This is the same diet that sustains Boehner as he inhales hundreds of thousands of dollars from Big Tobacco (and untold soft money from the citrus industry).

The same diet that that will keep the pumpkin-faced pugilist in top form for his upcoming firefights with President Obama, who is on record mocking his orange-skinned rival as a "person of color, although not a color that appears in the natural world." (VIDEO: Obama cracking wise at 2009 White House Correspondents Dinner)

One further advantage to Boehner's year-round Jack-o-lantern glow: Dick Cheney won't accidentally bust a load of buckshot into his blaze-orange mug. (Related story: Cheney slays 12 in 21-gun salute)

Related items:
One cat's New Year's resolutions
The Amazing Miracle Diet !!
Hate exercise? Hire an exorcist

Posted on January 3, 2011 3:05 AM | Permalink

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