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« The John Boehner Diet !! | Page One | GOP death panel eyes 'job-killing' Obamacare »

I don't know … but Alaska

What if Rupert Murdoch hired Sarah Palin as an advice columnist for his newspaper empire? Here, readers write in with questions and Sarah does her best Dear Abby.

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Dear Sarah,
I campaigned hard to obtain a really important and challenging job, but now I'm bored with it because I unexpectedly got famous and have a chance to make a ton of money doing other, easier stuff. Thing is, a whole bunch of people put their faith and trust in me, so I'd kind of be letting them down. What should I do?
-- Star Struck

Dear Star Struck,
Quit, baby, quit!! Caring about folks who put their faith in you is sweet, but frankly a little naïve. If the responsibilities of your job are holding you back, point your Christian Louboutins toward the door and start walkin', girlfriend. Like I always say, no harm in burnin' a Bridge to Nowhere!

And don't let the haters call you a quitter.

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Dear Sarah,
I am 8 years old. A man on TV said there's no such thing as a death panel. What you wrote on Facebook about death panels helped me understand what a bad man President Obama is, but now I'm not sure what to believe in or who to hate. Please tell me the truth -- is there a death panel?
-- Virginia O'Hanlon

Yes Virginia, there is a death panel. Don't let the lamestream media spin you with their gotcha anti-death panel agenda and their elite, liberal "facts." Alas, how dreary the health-care debate would be if there were no death panel.

Just because there's no evidence of a death panel doesn't mean one doesn't exist. Or couldn't, hypothetically. It's common sense, really. Obamacare is evil. A death panel is evil. Therefore Obamacare has a death panel. Probably lots of them. Stay in school, Virginia. And just say no to premarital sex and progressive ideology!

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Dear Sarah,
I just shot a liberal congressman in my district. You know, one of those jerks who you marked with a bull's-eye on your Web site. But I just checked the Web site and it didn't specify what I was supposed to do with the body. Now I'm in prison. What do you advise?
-- Lone Whackjob

Dear Whackjob,
Um. First off, my lawyers tell me it's essential to state for the record that I was in no way advocating violence when I targeted candidates with bull's-eyes and urged my followers to Reload!" I meant it metaphorically, y'know -- it's not my fault if some anti-gun, tax-and-spend liberal gets Second Amendmented.

Anyway, challenging situations like yours call for common-sense solutions -- like focusing on family, faith and the flag. Do five Hail Marys and six Pledge of Allegiances. Then look inward and ask yourself, if He were in your shoes, what would Joe the Plumber do? Or Jesus.

Stay tuned here for more DEAR SARAH

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ALSO: Ring in 2011 with ... The John Boehner Diet !!

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SHOUT OUT to The Political Carnival, a cool, outstanding site that shared The John Boehner Diet with readers and had a kind word for The Daily Palin.

Posted on January 4, 2011 1:02 AM | Permalink

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