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Bush declares fartwa on Iran

By John Breneman

President Bush today declared a massive fartwa on Iran and said he wouldn't hesitate to use military flatulence as he cracks down on the "asses of evil." He also announced a new plan to "smoke out" Osama bin Laden with bunker-busting stinkbombs.

Now that the president's love of farting and fart jokes has been exposed by U.S. News & World Report, the Humor Gazette has learned that he also enjoys giving noogies to foreign dignitaries and watching Dick Cheney kick liberals in the groin.

President Bush, according to White House proctologist Dr. Fred Cheeks, believes in the "He who smelt it dealt it" doctrine in the war on Islamoflatulism. Praise the Lord and pass the mustard gas.

To ease international tension at the recent G-8 summit, where he groped German Chancellor Angela Merkel and gave Tony Blair a wedgie, Bush pranked puzzled foreign leaders with whoopie cushions and fake poo. Bush kept himself from getting bored by repeatedly putting his right hand under his left armpit, flapping his left arm to make farty noises and then pointing at the nearest red-faced dignitary.

Iranian President Mahmoud "Stinky" Ahmadinejad issued a statement calling Bush "a juvenile chucklehead," but the president's response was swift and incisive. "I know you are, but what am I?" he said, adding, "Heh heh heh."

Related stories:
President 'punked' press, public with Iraq gag -- April 1, 2005

Posted on August 25, 2006 8:50 AM | Permalink

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