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Brain usage: 10% and dropping

By John Breneman

The percentage of the brain that people actually use -- once estimated to be 10% -- is now approximately 8.2% and falling, according to a new study in the prestigious Imaginary Journal of Medicine.

The percentage of the brain utilized ranges from 12% in places where there is no cable TV to a stultifying 5.9% in greater Washington, D.C., according to Daft Foundation neurologist Dr. Sarah Bellum. The study relied on both societal observations and scientific testing to reach the conclusion that human beings are getting dumber by the day.

Among its findings, the report revealed an alarming decrease in the number of people who have enough sense to look both ways before crossing the street. However, the number of motorists who vow they will NEVER use a turn signal, even if it helps save a human life, appears to have stabilized at 72 percent.

The Daft Foundation team also administered electroencephalogram (EEG) brain wave tests to a cross-section of test subjects and found that 92% of them thought EEG referred to an oval-shaped breakfast food made by a chicken.

The study also reported the estimated percentage of the brain utilized by the following test groups:

Rocket scientists -- 10.2%
Laboratory mice -- 11.3%
Administration officials -- 2.1%
Steroid users -- 4.2%
Drunk drivers -- 0.10%
Reality TV show producers -- 1.6%
TV "news" talking heads -- 0.003%
Moronic humor columnists -- 0.002%

Posted on September 15, 2006 8:50 AM | Permalink

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