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Brain usage: 10% and dropping
By John Breneman
The percentage of the brain that people actually use -- once
estimated to be 10%
-- is now approximately 8.2% and falling, according to a new
study in the prestigious Imaginary Journal of Medicine.
The percentage of the brain utilized ranges from 12% in places
where there is no cable TV to a stultifying 5.9% in greater
Washington, D.C., according to Daft Foundation neurologist
Dr. Sarah Bellum. The study relied on both societal observations
and scientific testing to reach the conclusion that human
beings are getting dumber by the day.
Among its findings, the report revealed an alarming decrease
in the number of people who have enough sense to look both
ways before crossing the street. However, the number of motorists
who vow they will NEVER use a turn signal, even if it helps
save a human life, appears to have stabilized at 72 percent.
The Daft Foundation team also administered electroencephalogram
(EEG) brain wave tests to a cross-section of test subjects
and found that 92% of them thought EEG referred to an oval-shaped
breakfast food made by a chicken.
The study also reported the estimated percentage of the brain
utilized by the following test groups:
scientists -- 10.2%
Laboratory mice -- 11.3%
Administration officials -- 2.1%
Steroid users -- 4.2%
Drunk drivers -- 0.10%
Reality TV show producers -- 1.6%
TV "news" talking heads -- 0.003%
Moronic humor columnists -- 0.002%
Posted on September 15, 2006 8:50 AM
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