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« And baby makes 300 million | Page One | Trick-or-Treat plot foiled »

Just got back from a press junket to Fort Lauderdale.
Stay tuned for a travel story later this week:

In related news, the Humor Gazette's IBS News team has obtained an exclusive copy of a controversial new airline industry safety pamphlet:

Air travel is safe and fun

Always check under your seat for terrorists before takeoff.

Never attempt to light a stick of dynamite while aboard a commercial flight.

Only a small minority of passenger flights result in a hideous "crash landing."

Just follow this simple diagram if you and the others are to have any hope of survival.

Our "Wet 'n' Wild" ocean-rafting amenity is offered free on select flights.

Life vests in first class are equipped with a tin of Pringles and a wedge of smoked brie.

Children who refuse
to "shut the hell up" should be smacked sharply on the head.

Please keep all genitalia inside your clothing for the duration of the flight.

If a terrorist should brandish a box-cutter, leap out the nearest emergency door.

Passengers are encouraged to yell "Wheeee!" while sliding to safety.

Customers may enjoy our complimentary oxygen during the death plunge.

Once the shark tears off your legs, the seat cushion keeps your bloody torso afloat.

Posted on October 24, 2006 1:33 AM | Permalink

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