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Just got back from a press
junket to Fort Lauderdale.
Stay tuned for a travel
story later this week:
In related news, the Humor
Gazette's IBS News team has obtained an exclusive copy of
a controversial new airline industry safety pamphlet:
Air travel is safe and
fun
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Always check under your
seat for terrorists before takeoff.
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Never attempt to light
a stick of dynamite while aboard a commercial flight. |
Only a small minority
of passenger flights result in a hideous "crash
landing."
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Just follow this simple
diagram if you and the others are to have any hope of
survival.
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Our "Wet 'n' Wild"
ocean-rafting amenity is offered free on select flights.
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Life vests in first class
are equipped with a tin of Pringles and a wedge of smoked
brie.
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Children who refuse
to "shut the hell up" should be smacked sharply
on the head.
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Please keep all genitalia
inside your clothing for the duration of the flight. |
If a terrorist should
brandish a box-cutter, leap out the nearest emergency
door.
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Passengers are encouraged
to yell "Wheeee!" while sliding to safety.
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Customers may enjoy our
complimentary oxygen during the death plunge. |
Once the shark tears off
your legs, the seat cushion keeps your bloody torso
afloat.
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Posted on October 24, 2006 1:33 AM
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