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« Zombie industry booming despite Zombie scandal | Page One | Revisionist History -- July 1 »

Tie goes to the father

What's that, chum? Father's Day kind of snuck up on you again. Well, no need to panic. Heartfelt gifts for Dad can be found just about anywhere -- from Wal-Mart to the corner Pump 'n' Pay. These last-second surprises are sure to let Dad know exactly how much you care:

Tube socks -- Dad'll feel like a million bucks in these $1.99 beauties -- each emblazoned with the three horizontal "racing stripes" that say "he's the man."

Tie -- Wait'll the boys at the office get a load of Dad in this swell corporate-looking necktie - fashioned from durable, non-flame-retardant polyester.

Coffee mug -- His eyes'll twinkle like they did on the day you were born when he sees this one-of-a-kind "World's Greatest Dad" mug. Plus, if you're a total loser, this completes a set of six.

Skin Bracer aftershave -- Who needs fancy $50 male cologne products when every Dad knows there's nothing more exhilarating than a splash of Skin Bracer to start the day!?!

Pack of smokes -- This one's a no-brainer if Pop's a smoker. But hey, who cares what that bossy Surgeon General says, Dad'll love how the intoxicating blend of tar and nicotine makes him feel manly and super cool.

Slippers -- Comfort is important to hard-working dads in their leisure time and these lightweight Taiwanese "mock-asins" are perfect for kicking back in the La-Z-Boy. (Newspaper not included.)

Can of mixed nuts -- These generic morsels pack a party in every can. Coupled with a Post-It note reading "I'm nuts about Dad," this item helps you express the true meaning of Father's Day.

Roll of duct tape -- Perfect for household projects or Homeland Security preparedness, this space-age super-product will help Dad feel like the ultimate handy man.

Ice scraper -- Dad's heart will melt when he sees much thought you put into his gift. And when the snow flies six months from now, he'll be ready -- tackling stubborn windshield ice with taunts of "Who's your daddy?"

Greeting card -- Though it actually requires some thought, devoted offspring often like to compose a personalized message for Dad on his special day (example: "You're a champ, Pops!"), while creative types may add a "heart" symbol to underscore their affection.

Lighter -- Give Dad the ability to make fire with just the flick of his thumb. He'll be so grateful, he'll bust out the drinks and T-bones and fire up the grill -- instant barbecue!

Posted on June 14, 2007 9:21 PM | Permalink

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