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« Sharpton slaps Santa for 'ho' | Page One | Springfield (Mass.) man tells of work on 'Simpsons Movie' »

Operation Polyps: Bush doctors secure 'Brown Zone'

By Ernie Pyles

WASHINGTON -- Army phycisians revealed yesterday that they extracted a large insect known as the Saddamus Husseinious from the rectum of President George W. Bush during his weekend surgery and expressed wonder that the commnader in chief had apparently been living with such a giant Iraqi bug up his ass for more than a decade.

"If we'd only known he had the Saddam bug up his ass seven years ago, we'd have extracted it then and maybe spared our nation a giant wretched smelly mess," said Army surgeon Lt. Col. Wink Martindale. "As it was, it was pretty deeply embedded in the colonic wall and we had to use an improvised explosive scalpel to get it out."

The White House issued a statement declaring that Bush was "whiny and uncomfortable" and that the president hoped "the brief but intense surge he is currently experiencing would allow for a smooth transition to a more cohesive and stable movement in the direction of regularity ... in Iraq, I mean, of course."

The Saddamus bug is described as a cross between a giant tick and a giant sand weevil. Doctors said they were forced to decapitate the painful insect with a makeshift surgical noose and extract its body followed by its head.

Related stories:
Cheney accidentally detonates nuclear weapon -- Feb. 14, 2006

French doctors perform first ass transplant -- Dec. 5, 2005

Posted on July 25, 2007 12:11 PM | Permalink

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