Global economy blues

Gazette exclusives

Humor Gazette feed

Drill Sergeant loses it
(YouTube sensation!)

Handy sites (Political Humor)
Borowitz Report
Glossy News

Media Matters
New York Times
Satire Awards

« Sarah Palin goes donkey hunting at GOP convention | Page One | Thurston Howell III endorses John McCain »

Brangelina to accelerate adoption binge

By Chris Elliott and John Breneman

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie plan to adopt a child from each of the nations of the Pacific Rim, according to the underground newspaper Brangelina Today.

The Pitt-Jolie child-raising dynamo intends to go alphabetically starting with Brunei, Cambodia, Chile and Colombia and ending some time in 2012 with Taiwan, Thailand and Vietnam -- averaging seven per year as they expand their brood from six children to a whopping 32.

"I sure hope Brad doesn't end up banging the Vietnamese child like Woody Allen did," said Jolie. "Maybe we'll adopt a boy from Hanoi."

While technically part of the Pacific Rim, the two intend not to adopt from Australia, Russia, Canada or the United States because those don't sound like poor countries. Pitt was recently overheard discussing the duo's parenthood plan with pal George Clooney on the set of "Ocean's Whatever."

"What kid wouldn't be psyched about getting yanked out of a festering pisshole like North Korea and being raised in luxury by movie-star parents," he said. "And by parents, of course, I mean a team of nannies."

Brangelina's own biological children will not receive special treatment. "Each will receive the Lamborghini of their choice on their 16th birthday and have a teaching hospital bearing their name in their country of origin," said a source close to Jolie's lip stylist.

Mom to Shiloh, Knox and Vivienne (biological) Maddox, Pax and Zahara (adopted), the gorgeous Golden Global U.N. Goodwill ambassador is eager to expand her mini melting pot.

And the Rumor Gazette has obtained a list of possible names for upcoming adoptees, including: Oskar, Tats, Floyd, Lara Croft, Mombassa, Thelma, Wheezy, Rusty and Smitty.

Also, Pitt and Jolie may or may not be in negotiations to film a reality TV show called "The Brangy Bunch."

Michael Jackson could not be reached for comment.

Related story:
Pitt split: world mourns Brad-Jen apocalypse

Posted on September 22, 2008 5:08 PM | Permalink

Previous post: Sarah Palin goes donkey hunting at GOP convention.

Next post: Thurston Howell III endorses John McCain.


About the Humor Gazette