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« Hannity gets new Colmes | Page One | Inauguration Day satire »

By John Breneman

An Alabama man says he felt blessed when X-rays revealed a mysterious 8-inch growth in his brain that was the spitting image of Jesus.

However, his rejoicing was shortlived. Doctors say the tumor is malignant, leaving him just 4-6 weeks to revel in the glory of his medical miracle.

"The Good Lord works in mysterious ways," said Larry Holiday, an unemployed church janitor. "Who am I to question the almighty divine holy creator in the sky?"

Holiday said he plans to auction the tumor, posthumously, on eBay to provide for his family and dreams of reaping $5,000 for the sacred carinoma.

"I heard a man got $700 for a dang grilled-cheese Jesus," he said. "So I figure to make a bundle. Lord willing."

However, analysts say the sluggish economy has depressed the market for items and surfaces bearing the image of Christ, including baked potatoes, wallpaper stains and puppy fur. One expert, though, believes the Holiday tumor could be the savior of the hard-hit Jesus iconography industry.

"I've seen the Big Guy's face in cauliflower, rutabagas, floor boards, tree bark, rocks, pie crust, vomit. You name it," said Bethlehem University jesusologist Fred Cross. "But this tumor, this is the biggest thing since the beatific Cheeto of Luxembourg."

Jesus of Nazareth could not be reached for comment.

Related story:
Jesus Christ, box-office superstar -- What if Mel Gibson's "Passion of the Christ" (aka "Bashin' of the Christ" or "Lethal Whippin'") made Jesus a Hollywood heavyweight starring in "There's Something About Mary Magdalene" and "Guess Who's Coming to the Last Supper"? (June, 2004)

Posted on December 28, 2008 7:11 PM | Permalink

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