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Health-care reform rhetoric
hazardous to your health?

By John Breneman

As the debate over health-care reform becomes more feverish, polls show a majority of Americans are getting a migraine from listening to politicians who are more concerned with the well-being of greedy health-care corporations the health of the American people.

"13 O'Clock News" chief medical correspondent, Dr. Bill Payne, reports that other side effects of prolonged exposure to health-care rhetoric may include:

(YouTube VIDEO of this report)

Tourette's syndrome, exploding jugular vein, electile dysfunction, restless middle-finger syndrome, paranoid trillionosis and post-traumatic soiled-pants syndrome.

Ruptured spleen, projectile vomitosis, degenerative pharmaceutical-industrial complex, enlarged premium syndrome, recurrent claim denial and early-afternoon alcoholism.

Curvature of the liver, gastrointestinal wretching, mental calcification, metaphysical disorientation, ideological leprosy, cerebral hemorrhoids and cognitive primordial dwarfism.

Clinical depression, douple-dip recession, triple dementia, testicular hallucinations, intellectual bulimia, lyme disease, BlackBerry dereangment syndrome and chronic diaper tension.

Other side effects:
Cold sweats, hot flashes, inflammation of the wallet, varicose brain, greased palm, clubfoot, hammer toe, housemaid's knee, rainbow gout, rickets, rabies and shingles.

Heartworms, facial ticks, intestinal locusts, cardiovascular fleas, pancreatic scorpions, black lung, chopped liver, chronic bubonic plague, soul weevils and unmitigated gallstones.

Other risks may include:
Whooping cough, congressional meningitis, moral obesity, SpongeBob SquarePants disorder, Irritable Pundit Syndrome, male-pattern hypocrisy and spastic Rush Lymphoma grandiosis.

Philosophic thrombosis, ethical psoriasis, fudge sickle-cell anemia, hepatitis ABCDEF&G, temporary insanity, malignant media brainwashing and esophageal bloviation.

The surgeon general has warned that additional side effects of prolonged exposure to health-care rhetoric may include:

Delusions of bipartisanism, idiopathic rhetorical sclerosis, misdiagnosed socialism, bleeding heart, severe right-brain elephantiasis and degenerative political malfeasance.

In other medical news:
Study: Myrrh may be hazardous to your health
-- Dec. 12, 2006

Brain usage: 10% and dropping

Everything may be hazardous to your health

Posted on October 8, 2009 8:20 AM | Permalink

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