Mars probe makes shocking discovery
officials today reported an astonishing breakthrough in the search
for signs of life on Mars. The discovery of a previously unknown
Wal-Mart on the Martian surface is being hailed as clear evidence
that the mysterious red planet may harbor an advanced race of beings
capable of obtaining duct tape for 99 cents.
However, scientists admit to being baffled by the unexpected finding
made by the U.S. space rover Spirit.
"We thought we might find a trace of gray hematite, an iron
oxide mineral that forms in environments where water is present.
Water, of course, being necessary to support life," said Dr.
Fred Houston. "Nobody dreamed we'd stumble across a commercial
structure that suggests the presence of an intelligent life form
with access to a galaxy of material goods at reasonable prices."
Several leading astro-economists theorize that other businesses
may have once existed nearby but disappeared in the shadow of the
dominant Wal-Mart. According to unconfirmed reports, the robotic
probe may also have detected a fragment of fossilized styrofoam
emblazoned with the words "Quarter-Pounder with Cheese."
A Wal-Mart jet propulsion specialist would "neither confirm
nor deny" the presence of a superstore on Mars, but said the
company makes no secret of its desire to cover two-thirds of the
earth's surface with retail space.
Some NASA team members suspect Wal-Mart may ultimately be seeking
to squeeze the space agency out of business by selling robotic space
rovers for $19.95 instead of the NASA pricetag of $800 million.
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