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Gibson agrees to F-bomb cease-fire
 By
John Breneman
Simmering tensions in a strife-torn region of Mel Gibson's
brain erupted in violence on Friday, when the drunken Hollywood
hatemonger renewed his offensive against Israel while peppering
police with a barrage of F-bombs.
The Oscar winner and Hezbollah spokesman agreed to a cease-fire
and apologized for soiling himself with anti-Semitic bile
while being stopped for drunk driving in Malibu.
He issued a statement apologizing for being a "despicable"
jackass and blaming his intense hatred of Jews on booze. Gibson
assured fans that his obligatory rehab stint will not affect
production of his new film, "Jews Are Responsible For
All the Wars in the World."
He also announced plans to shoot "Lethal Weapon 5"
in Israel, promising lots of explosions, side-splitting gratuitous
violence and plenty of "collateral damage." Joe
Pesci will play a wisecracking suicide bomber and Rene Russo
is on board as Lt. Sugar Tits.
 Sobriety
tests revealed the actor's blood-asshole level was way over
the limit, but Gibson reportedly will not be charged with
lewd behavior for telling the bewildered cop, "I'm going
to (bleep) you."
A spokesman denied reports that Stark Raving Mad Max tried
to bribe his way out of the jam by offering the cops cameos
in his epic about the final days of Adolf Hitler, "The
Passion of the Fuhrer."
Gibson, who is set to play an Islamofascist Archie Bunker
in the dark comedy "Allah in the Family," reportedly
has several more religious-themed films in various stages
of development, including "Schindler's Grocery List"
(subtitled, with all dialogue spoken in an obscure 12th-century
form of pig Latin) and the nonviolent Hindu comedy "Weekend
at Gandhi's."
Related story:
Jesus
Christ, box-office superstar, in ...
"Lethal Whippin' " (or "The Bashin' of the
Christ") -- March 2, 2004
Posted by John Breneman on July 31, 2006 10:39 AM
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