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Incredible Hulk implicated in steroid probe

By John Breneman

Noted superhero The Incredible Hulk reportedly has been named in a federal affidavit fingering several top pro baseball players for alleged steroid use.

Attorneys for the comic book icon -- best known for his bright green skin, bulging musculature and brooding, surly disposition -- say they have encouraged their client to cooperate with the probe but warned that harsh questioning might trigger his legendarily explosive temper.

The Hulk has repeatedly denied using illegal substances, attributing his overdeveloped physique to a "laboratory accident" involving exposure to "gamma rays." But sources say Captain America will testify that he once injected the Hulk's buttocks with a substance called Mutant Growth Hormone.

The chairman of the House panel conducting the hearings questioned the Hulk's credibility, pointing out that he exhibits many of the classic signs of steroid abuse, including unusual skin conditions, cartoonesque brawn and volatile mood swings sometimes called "roid rage."

"Mr. Hulk is admired as a role model by many children and his failure to come clean sends the wrong message," said Rep. Tom Davis, R-Virginia. "We don't want impressionable young kids thinking it's cool to go around smashing in people's skulls and flipping over automobiles."

The House panel is calling for a strict policy designed to end steroid use among comic book heroes. Superman could not be reached for comment.

Steroids infiltrating Washington, Wall Street
Santa Claus denies use of performance-enhancing drugs

Posted on October 4, 2006 8:55 AM | Permalink

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