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Incredible Hulk implicated in steroid
probe
 By
John Breneman
Noted superhero The
Incredible Hulk reportedly has been named in a federal affidavit fingering several top pro baseball players for alleged steroid use.
Attorneys for the comic
book icon -- best known for his bright green skin,
bulging musculature and brooding, surly disposition -- say
they have encouraged their client to cooperate with the probe
but warned that harsh questioning might trigger his legendarily
explosive temper.
The Hulk has repeatedly denied using illegal substances,
attributing his overdeveloped physique to a "laboratory
accident" involving exposure to "gamma
rays." But sources say Captain
America will testify that he once injected the Hulk's
buttocks with a substance called Mutant Growth Hormone.
The chairman of the House panel conducting the hearings questioned
the Hulk's credibility, pointing out that he exhibits many
of the classic signs of steroid abuse, including unusual skin
conditions, cartoonesque brawn and volatile mood swings sometimes
called "roid rage."
"Mr. Hulk is admired as a role model by many children
and his failure to come clean sends the wrong message,"
said Rep. Tom Davis, R-Virginia. "We don't want impressionable
young kids thinking it's cool to go around smashing in people's
skulls and flipping over automobiles."
The House panel is calling for a strict policy designed to
end steroid use among comic book heroes. Superman
could not be reached for comment.
Steroids infiltrating
Washington, Wall Street
Santa
Claus denies use of performance-enhancing drugs
Posted by John Breneman on October 4, 2006 8:55 AM
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