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« Trick-or-Treat plot foiled | Page One | America to Decider: You stink, pal »

Kerry tries stand-up, forced to stand down

By John Breneman

That wacky Josh Kerry (D-Massa ... Hey Lady!), he's got a million of 'em. Yep, this war is a real knee-slapper. You probably already heard the one about the blowhard politician who tried to make a joke about the president being a clueless moron and ended up distracting the voters from what a clueless moron the president is.

One of Dick Cheney's joke boys penned a good one for the boss in response to the Kerry combat-boot-in-mouth incident, telling the crowd at a campaign stop in Montana that Kerry actually "was for the joke before he was against it."

Some troops "stuck in Irak" also displayed a sense of humor. Perhaps Sen. Kerry should have hired the Humor Gazette to knock out a couple of Iraq gut-busters.

Q: How many brave but undermanned, underequipped U.S. troops does it take to wage an idiot president's unnecessary war in a country that had no weapons of mass destruction?"
A: Ask Rummy.

Q: What did the president of the United States say to the incompetent hand-picked hack who led the administration's botching of the Hurricane Katrina disaster?
A: "Brownie, you're doing a heck of a job."

"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Iraq who?"
"Iraq will greet us as liberators and become a shining beacon of democracy and ululate the praises of President George W. Bush from Basra to Fallujah."

Q: How many no-bid government contractors does it take to screw in a $600 Halliburton lightbulb in between power outages in Baghdad?
A: The U.S. General Accounting Office does not know.

JOKE #5 (With apologies to Jeff Foxworthy)

If terrorists threaten to kill soldiers that you put in harm's way, and you tell 'em to "Bring it on" ... you may be a redneck president.

If you're trying to rally the rest of the world to fight terrorism and you tell 'em "you're either with us or you're with the terrorists" ... you may be a redneck president.

If yer idea of a perfect vacation involves clearin' brush ... you may be a redneck president.

If yer vice president shoots a man in the face on a huntin' trip ... you may be a redneck president.

* * *

Finally, I found the joke Kerry actually meant to deliver at, (author unkown).

George Bush has started an ill-timed and disastrous war under false pretenses by lying to the American people and to the Congress; he has run a budget surplus into a severe deficit; he has consistently and unconscionably favored the wealthy and corporations over the rights and needs of the population; he has destroyed trust and confidence in, and good will toward, the United States around the globe; he has ignored global warming, to the world's detriment; he has wantonly broken our treaty obligations; he has condoned torture of prisoners; he has attempted to create a theocracy in the United States; he has appointed incompetent cronies to positions of vital national importance.

Now, would someone please give him a blow job so we can impeach him?

Related stories:
Terror and laughter: Bush's stand-up routine -- Jan. 25, 2006

Comic bomb: Bush slays 'em with WMD gag -- March 26, 2004

Posted on November 3, 2006 7:33 AM | Permalink

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